a n i m a t i o n . w o r d s & p i c t u r e s . f o r u m
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Hostile TakeoversBy: Josh03.19.01 
HAW HAW HAW..okay, with that out of the way.   Look at ALL of those Pagans, just itchin' to take part, plus all those Christians, happy to oblige... Okay, once upon a time, back before Christianity, the Church, and all that jazz, there were these people, and these people called themselves Pagans. Now from what I know, which isn't much, I mean I still play with Jesse Ventura dolls for kicks, is that at this time in History, most of the population was of this religion. Pagan's celebrate the Earth, and seasons and spirituality more so than a bible. They're very earthly people, peaceful, they don't believe in Hell or The Devil, they celebrate their own holidays and reek of patchouli. But at some point along came these pesky Christians with their pesky Bible, and sure, cool, they have some different beliefs, but they weren't content to sit back and worship their own God, and let the Pagans worship theirs: they wanted followers damnnit! So they implemented one hell of a religious hostile take-over. Ambitious fuckers ain't they? Hell, I even gots some pictures off the internet of this process to help those of you leaning towards the illiterate! Wow, isn't technology grand?   Pagan dancing and singing rituals: Tee hee sir, please don't cave my skull in with your crucifix. So they tell people about their religion, and some say "cool, you know I'm bored, sexually-depraved, and psychoticI think I'll be a Christian." But it's not enough, so they tell people about The "Devil," and these people had no concept of a Devil, they believed in re-incarnation, like a tree burns down, the ashes fertilize the soil, and a new tree grows from those ashes. So, the Christians explain that if the Pagans don't sign on the dotted line with their own blood, they're gonna go to hell. This is a sobering thought, I mean Pagans are a bunch of Hippy/Art Fags, they can't deal with that heavy shit! Kumbiya my lord, KUMBI-fucking-YA! So I'm sure more people clamber to jump on board at that. But it's STILL not enough, damn greedy Christians! So in a last-ditch attempt, the Christians begin to take over all of the Pagan holidays. MARTIAL LAW RULES!   The spoils of being so content, religious, and popular...Christians = 666, Pagans = 69! If you take a look at all of the Pagan holidays, and cross-reference them with the Christian ones: subtract St. Patrick's Day, and carry the 4, you'll see what I mean. The idea was to get the people celebrating their holidays, and forget about the silly, little Pagan ones. So, all of a sudden Christ's birthday, death, monthly bowel movements, etc. etc., were what the people were "officially" celebrating. But here's the real piss off: those lazy, power-hungry fuck-nuts of a clergy, didn't even come up with new traditions for the drones to adhere to, just told them that the old traditions meant new things.   Here we see the newly-baptized Christians taking a nap in thier sleeping bags..."Here Pagan, Pagan, Pagan." For Instance: ever wonder why we have a tree in the house at Christmas? I mean, sure HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIST and all, BUT WHAT THE FUCKS UP WITH THIS TREE SHIT? Well, in the Pagan belief system, it was tradition to bring a tree into the house to preserve the spirit of the forest throughout winter. Follow? Any and all holidays that takes place on or near when the season changes is a Pagan holiday taken over by Christ, because the Pagans celebrated the Earth and it's cycles. Christ died in April because that's when the Pagan holiday Beltane is. It's all documented. The only one I'm not too sure about is St. Patrick's day: wherein St. Patrick drove all the Druids out of Ireland: which is essentially celebrating the death of a whole shit-load of Pagans anyway. And how do we do that? By getting pissed drunk. Sounds like a Catholic Holiday to me. I hope you all got good and pissed Saturday, I'm sure we all did - hell I'm pissed now!   Look at 'em: laughing and singing, with the Christians shooting people full of Religion. Point. set. Match : GOD! So, as it goes, the people were celebrating Christian holidays, instead of the Pagan ones, and the Pagans seceded into the background of obscurity. Sure you can find 'em around nowadays, it's a fast-growing pastime once again-HOORAY-but mostly just people in Head Shops, Patchouli distilleries, backstage at Phish concerts, and/or around anything involving bad Art or herbal medicine. Hippies! Yeah, you heard me: it's the damn hippies and Art Fags that are now giving this religion a bad rep for me.   And, finally, some glossy new pictures of God and his life-partner...Hitler! Aren't they cute? Let's have a big round of applause for the religious process. I hope those pictures helped illustrate my point a little better, though don't ask me why they had cars or cameras back then. It just goes to show you how Christianty had set us back thousands of years of technological development. Okay, well look it up if you don't believe me, here's some of the names Candlemas = Christmas Imbolc = Valentine's Day Sammhain = Halloween Actually I probably got some of those wrong, but hey. It's nearly sun-up, none of you read this far anyhowso I will take this opportunity to declare to the world that I am a hermaphrodite. Yep, I have a vagina, it's placed neatly 'tween my Choda and Penile area. Now, if you'l all please excuse me, while I go fuck myself. |
